Well...a couple weeks back, you posted on the Internet about... [this pause has no right to be this long] "bisexuality".
[He didn't comment, but he read it -- and the comments therein too, which more or less boiled down to a collective "In Other News, Sky Still Blue" which he was absolutely cool with...until it became relevant to him specifically.]
What if someone-- [Oh, forget it, why bother putting on that "asking for a friend" schtick at this point?] What if I'm not..."supposed to be" into guys?
Oh, it -- [Larry makes a half-hearted giggle. Ford? In drag? Okay, Larry knows well enough now that it's not impossible, but the mental image is pretty amusing.] -- that was me, yeah.
I've been working on this character for a while, and he's been more than happy to humor me every step of the way -- even when it was a haphazard mess. He knows...that she was a man in a dress this whole time--I'm sure of that--but he doesn't know it's me. But he...treated me differently when I was dressed up, and I didn't want that to end.
This wasn't some kind of...intentional deception, but in hindsight... [He sighs tensely.] It's starting to feel like it was.
I'm definitely not gonna make any accusations here. I mean, I don't care if you're putting on dresses or whatever; I'm the guy in makeup and all. And I figured it wasn't on purpose.
But here's what I'm gonna tell you: it really doesn't matter that you're just figuring out that, hey, maybe sucking the occasional dick isn't so bad. Some guys don't figure this shit out until they're way old. It's not like too late or whatever. It's gonna be weird and unusual territory at first, but I think you know what the most important thing to do here is.
Oh, it's...it's more complicated than that. I-I mean, you're right--and it makes me feel a little better, but this is about more than just me--it's...
It's about the brand.
[Larry's gesticulating with desperation, even though it can't be seen.]
Everyone expects Leisure Suit Larry to be the ladies' man, but how can I be a ladies' man if I have sex with men, too? My games have been sold for decades on the pretense of trying to get laid with women -- it would change the whole brand if I hit on men, too!
I wake up in the twenty first century and they let me mack on a guy and I pushed it just to see how far they'd let me get and I--they didn't stop me, Leone. Nothing came of it, obviously, but...I'm...
I'm changing. [With a tremble:] And I'm scared.
[He probably should have had that whole conversation about how he's a meta-aware fictional character a long time ago with Leone, but, well, we're here now.]
...Okay. [does this-- does this mean Larry makes video games. Are they dating sims.Close enough, Abbacchio. Close enough. God what is happening.]
Look. We'll get to the point of it: change is fucking scary. But right now, does your brand matter more than what you want out of this? Or maybe... your brand needs to change. Think about that.
Larry is quiet for a long time, chewing on Leone's words. For once in his life he's trying the "think first, say stupid shit later" method.]
...The brand has always been about what I want.
[So, for all intents and purposes: the latter suggestion is more relevant.]
The thing that matters the most is whether or not people like me enough to keep making my games and buying them. So if the players like "Bisexual Larry" then...I'm okay with that. It's hard to know for sure without committing to it in the first place.
[In the end, it all comes back to Leone's original point: you don't know until you try.]
Well, this is the kind of place where you can try that kind of shit out and no one's gonna bat an eye at it. Sounds like you could stand to do some exploring.
And listen, I'll bet if your games are all that popular, there are gonna be people who would want to see that kind of option. Think of it as adding more options to a buffet; you aren't removing anything, just giving other possibilities to other people who are looking for it.
It's not any better than getting wishywashy about it. You might as well be up front about the fuck up.
Just tell him the truth and say you didn't mean for it to be a secret or something. If he's upset or hurt, he's entitled to it -- and if he is, tell him he's valid for it.
[Larry sighs, and it becomes quickly muffled by his hands as he covers his face. It's tempting to not do it at all but Larry knows that's really just delaying the inevitable rather than solving the problem -- and probably making it worse in the process.]
And I thought I was doing pretty well up until this point...
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[He didn't comment, but he read it -- and the comments therein too, which more or less boiled down to a collective "In Other News, Sky Still Blue" which he was absolutely cool with...until it became relevant to him specifically.]
What if someone-- [Oh, forget it, why bother putting on that "asking for a friend" schtick at this point?] What if I'm not..."supposed to be" into guys?
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Let me guess. You were totally cool with other people being bi, but now that you're having a personal revelation, you're mildly freaking out.
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...
Yeah he's not having a good time.]
Tha-that's the long and short of it.
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What exactly is making you think hmm oh shit I might also be into dudes?
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Yes. He absolutely is.]
I may have...
...given one of my closest friends a blowjob after Christmas dinner while suspended in a cable car and dressed as a woman?
I- I think there was something in the food...
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[Well, not impossible in this place. But hey, he's still gonna make the tea.]
So were you dressed as the lady or was your buddy? Just out of curiosity, it really doesn't matter.
But I guess more importantly, on a scale from one to ten, how much do you regret it?
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...but I don't think he knows it's me.
[Which brings us to the whole regret thing...]
Depends on which part we're talking about.
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[The sound of a kettle goes off for a second before there's the sound of water being poured. Tea time.]
Let's talk about the blowjob. How much do you regret, would you do it again, that kind of thing.
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[There's a long, long pause. He knows what the answer is, but it takes a lot of courage to actually say it out loud.]
...I regret it because I want to do it again, a-and that makes me feel -- [What would the best word be?] -- guilty?
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[Wait for it, wait for it...
...aaaaand here's the rambling.]
I've been working on this character for a while, and he's been more than happy to humor me every step of the way -- even when it was a haphazard mess. He knows...that she was a man in a dress this whole time--I'm sure of that--but he doesn't know it's me. But he...treated me differently when I was dressed up, and I didn't want that to end.
This wasn't some kind of...intentional deception, but in hindsight... [He sighs tensely.] It's starting to feel like it was.
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But here's what I'm gonna tell you: it really doesn't matter that you're just figuring out that, hey, maybe sucking the occasional dick isn't so bad. Some guys don't figure this shit out until they're way old. It's not like too late or whatever. It's gonna be weird and unusual territory at first, but I think you know what the most important thing to do here is.
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Oh, it's...it's more complicated than that. I-I mean, you're right--and it makes me feel a little better, but this is about more than just me--it's...
It's about the brand.
[Larry's gesticulating with desperation, even though it can't be seen.]
Everyone expects Leisure Suit Larry to be the ladies' man, but how can I be a ladies' man if I have sex with men, too? My games have been sold for decades on the pretense of trying to get laid with women -- it would change the whole brand if I hit on men, too!
I wake up in the twenty first century and they let me mack on a guy and I pushed it just to see how far they'd let me get and I--they didn't stop me, Leone. Nothing came of it, obviously, but...I'm...
I'm changing. [With a tremble:] And I'm scared.
[He probably should have had that whole conversation about how he's a meta-aware fictional character a long time ago with Leone, but, well, we're here now.]
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...Okay. [does this-- does this mean Larry makes video games. Are they dating sims.
Close enough, Abbacchio. Close enough.God what is happening.]Look. We'll get to the point of it: change is fucking scary. But right now, does your brand matter more than what you want out of this? Or maybe... your brand needs to change. Think about that.
None of us stay the same. Not even I do.
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Larry is quiet for a long time, chewing on Leone's words. For once in his life he's trying the "think first, say stupid shit later" method.]
...The brand has always been about what I want.
[So, for all intents and purposes: the latter suggestion is more relevant.]
The thing that matters the most is whether or not people like me enough to keep making my games and buying them. So if the players like "Bisexual Larry" then...I'm okay with that. It's hard to know for sure without committing to it in the first place.
[In the end, it all comes back to Leone's original point: you don't know until you try.]
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And listen, I'll bet if your games are all that popular, there are gonna be people who would want to see that kind of option. Think of it as adding more options to a buffet; you aren't removing anything, just giving other possibilities to other people who are looking for it.
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My fans deserve my trust. I shouldn't doubt them like that.
[You'd be surprised how many people think that it's "removing" something, but hey, they're not really our concern.
Larry hasn't exactly changed his tune entirely, but he has a new outlook on it at least. Baby steps.]
Thanks, Leone.
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I'll do my best.
Oh--about the matters of drag-disguise, though...how do you think I should tackle that?
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If he wants to be angry at me for letting it go on for so long, that's...fine.
[It wouldn't be fine.]
...I just need to make it clear that this isn't something I did on purpose.
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Just tell him the truth and say you didn't mean for it to be a secret or something. If he's upset or hurt, he's entitled to it -- and if he is, tell him he's valid for it.
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And I thought I was doing pretty well up until this point...