⏪ IC CONTACT

[teaserving]

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[doreimi]

He lets you call him VLAD??

[teaserving]

hey c'mon
im sure he'd let you too
i just didn't want to call him alucard that's his shitty stupid slave name

[doreimi]

Oh, I just called him Dracula-san. I don't think I heard anything about a different name.

...wait, isn't that name just Dracula backwards?

[teaserving]

it absolutely is and it's stupid
long story short he ended up getting stuck as a slave for van helsing's family for a few generations
they call him alucard
its bullshit so im not calling him that

[doreimi]

Wait, but I thought at the end of the book they had to kill him or else Mina Harker would turn into a vampire.

If Van Helsing didn't kill him, then what happened to Mina Harker?

[teaserving]

he was experimented on instead
i dont actually know what happened to mina. i didn't ask.

[doreimi]

Gosh, this is a really dark twist to an already pretty creepy story...

I feel really bad for Dracula-san which I think is the exact opposite of what Bram Stoker intended.

[teaserving]

yeah.
i didnt ask all the details. but him ending up forced to serve a bunch of humans rubs me the wrong way. he didn't even get the mercy of death. it's pretty fucked up.

[doreimi]

Do you know what he told me? He spent the last week or so just sitting in his basement. He didn't go out or have visitors or anything.

Maybe he's not used to even being able to do that kind of thing.

[teaserving]

he said something like he used to live in their basement
but yeah
i dont think he's used to having a choice

[doreimi]

That's so awful...

Please take good care of Dracula-san, okay, Abbacchio? I know you will, I mean, but do it for me, too.

[teaserving]

i dont know what i can do for him
but i guess it doesn't hurt just trying to be a friend or something

[doreimi]

Make him laugh! I bet nobody's given him a reason to laugh in like, a billion years.

[teaserving]

oh yeah im a real fucking comedian

[doreimi]

He's a vampire and you love that kind of stuff. Tell him spooky jokes!

Here's a great one: what did the ghost eat for breakfast? Ghost toast with boo-berry jam!

[teaserving]

oh my god
that's really cute but i don't know if that would make him laugh
all my jokes are raunchy

[doreimi]

Mmmmmmm I think Dracula-san is pretty polite. He's royalty after all! Or at least nobility, I think.

Okay, okay, here's another one! What did the vampire say when the show was over? Bat's all, folks!

[teaserving]

please dont stop i love this

[doreimi]

What happens when a vampire gets sick???

He can't stop coffin!

[teaserving]

fuck how many of these jokes do you have

[doreimi]

I lived all by myself in a boring alley for fifteen years. What do you THINK I did with all my time?

[teaserving]

apparently coming up with goofy halloween jokes

[doreimi]

What unit does an undertaker use to measure his coffins?

GRAVEYARDS

[teaserving]

you're a goddamn delight
you should tell him these jokes yourself

[doreimi]

Do you think so? He did ask me if I wanted to go out with him sometime. Maybe I can come up with a bunch of them to tell him while we're out...