i know this exact feeling. and it's still something i'm processing so take my perspective as you will
there was someone i loved pretty much from the moment i met him. he saved my life, and i never felt like i did enough for him in return. i always thought i'd follow him for the rest of my life. i guess that was sort of true until i ended up here. i had a chance to tell him how i felt, but i never did, and now that'll never happen. i love mohammed, but i still have feelings for this other guy. i probably always will. hell, i don't even think i moved on from my serious first boyfriend either. but someone important to me said that i deserved to be loved. that she hoped that when someone wanted to be with me, i'd let them. so i have, and this is probably the happiest i've felt in a long time, even if it's just temporary. i think what's important is to have the good memories and not just focus on "what could have been". you're probably always gonna miss the ones you had in your life. it's like... the memory of them become less of a gaping wound and more like a scar. you'll always know where that scar came from, but at least it hurts less at some point.
basically: it's okay to take steps to be with someone else. and it's okay that you still hurt, too. just don't treat yourself like shit, not when someone else thinks you deserve better.
everyone makes it sound like you only get to have those feelings once or at least once at a time
and it kind of makes sense like that because feelings like that are sort of like a commitment, right you'd give yourself to that person you'd be theirs it feels like giving that commitment to someone else means you have to break the first commitment
maybe it's not really like that but doesn't it feel that way? even a little?
it definitely feels like that and i still love the other two guys but i also know i wouldn't give up mohammed for anything either even if he said something stupid and kind and selfless like "oh but i want you to be happy leone i wouldn't blame you"
anyway. i never said it was easy and you'll probably never stop feeling the way you do about the other person you never got to tell but also dwelling and not letting yourself have anything else doesn't do anyone any favors and take that from a master at dwelling on shit
... whenever i think of love i think of my mom and dad
i remember how she would look when my dad would call while he was away on tour sometimes he'd be gone for a month or two at a time some people would say you can't keep up a relationship if you're apart that much but it was never a problem for them
my dad loves my mom but he loves music too and they figured out how to make it work so he doesn't have to choose i don't think he could be happy without both
i wish i knew what it was like to feel like that i wish there were some way to know if my feelings are like my dad's feelings
the first thing is that you can't really compare yourself to your dad jotaro everyone handles it differently so i think your parents might not be a bad ideal but you can't know if your feelings are like your dad's
so i assume there's someone here you kinda like guy or girl (or whatever) ask them out see how it feels for both of you you'll probably know if you're ready or not when you do
i guess that's a good point. after someone dies, it's easy to just think of their highlights and not the faults
talk to me about him. the things about him that made you think that you wanted to be around him the parts that caused your heart to skip a beat, or you just couldn't help but smile. even if all you did was smile in your heart and not where anyone could see.
the first thing i think of when i think of kakyoin... i guess i always think of how proud he was and how smart and what an asshole he was
i felt at ease when i was around him and i always felt like he had my back even when jiji was being stupid or something, i knew kakyoin would be on my side
sometimes we'd all pick on polnareff i remember he was fussy when we went through the desert because he didn't want to get sunburned he didn't like it when i smoked, he said the smell bothered him
i don't think i ever stopped to think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with him i never really thought past the end of the trip but he's usually the person i think of when i see something... i guess something beautiful
cherry blossoms, or fireworks things that are beautiful i look at them alone and i can imagine it so clearly him standing next to me us doing things together
if i had to objectively remark on your description, i'd say you loved him, jotaro. romantic or otherwise or whatever doesn't matter
because the way i look at it with mohammed and anyone else i've ever loved, the best way to describe them is that things make sense around them the world stops being chaotic or shitty, just for a little while and i feel safe. like i got a place i finally belong.
maybe yours is a bit different but it's also similar
yeah and i think you probably know how you feel you knew his faults but the parts that made you at peace too and that's the important distinction i think than just worshiping a memory you perceive as flawless
i think i probably would have been a pretty shit boyfriend it doesn't feel like we only knew each other for fifty days there's probably a lot i didn't know about him i probably would have done a lot of things wrong he probably would have pissed me off
also i would've had to cheat on him someday to make sure my daughter exists or at least be with someone else to make that happen that's not a very good boyfriend thing to do i guess
there's someone who i want to be that calm place for i feel good doing it and sometimes that person makes me feel like i'm still on the way to egypt back before everything went to shit
i think about that person all the time but i don't talk about that person out loud that often or really ever so i don't know if my face does the thing yours does when you talk about avdol
slow the fuck down you don't know what you would've done but also you know what you're gonna make mistakes and it'll be shitty but the important thing is recognizing when you do and try to change it
i promise i've made mistakes and i probably will with mohammed i mean im not gonna cheat on him or some shit but im so far from perfect
anyway. you can't possibly fuck up as hard as me take sometime to digest all of this for yourself
oh fuck all the time that's a feelings thing not to get too gross on you but almost every time i'm with him he finds a new way to make me feel that way it's the best
and when he looks at you and needs something and you don't even have to think about doing it you're just already doing it because it's for him doesn't matter what it is for him you'd do it
no i'm using you to figure something out but i think i've got it now
you're a good case study because you're a sanguis and he's an iris cordis seems like it's kind of its own thing but sanguis and iris seem like they're made to get fucked up on each other
cordis is yeah i was a cordis for a couple of months then i guess the moons decided it was funny if i was something else but i liked mohammed before the switch so i guess that helps
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FULL ASS
i know this exact feeling.
and it's still something i'm processing so
take my perspective as you will
there was someone i loved pretty much from the moment i met him.
he saved my life, and i never felt like i did enough for him in return. i always thought i'd follow him for the rest of my life. i guess that was sort of true until i ended up here.
i had a chance to tell him how i felt, but i never did, and now that'll never happen.
i love mohammed, but i still have feelings for this other guy. i probably always will. hell, i don't even think i moved on from my serious first boyfriend either.
but someone important to me said that i deserved to be loved. that she hoped that when someone wanted to be with me, i'd let them. so i have, and this is probably the happiest i've felt in a long time, even if it's just temporary.
i think what's important is to have the good memories and not just focus on "what could have been". you're probably always gonna miss the ones you had in your life. it's like... the memory of them become less of a gaping wound and more like a scar. you'll always know where that scar came from, but at least it hurts less at some point.
basically: it's okay to take steps to be with someone else. and it's okay that you still hurt, too. just don't treat yourself like shit, not when someone else thinks you deserve better.
A WHOLE ASS OF INBOX
i don't know
dishonest somehow
everyone makes it sound like you only get to have those feelings once
or at least once at a time
and it kind of makes sense like that
because feelings like that are sort of like a commitment, right
you'd give yourself to that person
you'd be theirs
it feels like giving that commitment to someone else means you have to break the first commitment
maybe it's not really like that but doesn't it feel that way?
even a little?
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and i still love the other two guys
but i also know i wouldn't give up mohammed for anything either even if he said something stupid and kind and selfless like "oh but i want you to be happy leone i wouldn't blame you"
anyway.
i never said it was easy
and you'll probably never stop feeling the way you do about the other person you never got to tell
but also dwelling and not letting yourself have anything else doesn't do anyone any favors
and take that from a master at dwelling on shit
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whenever i think of love i think of my mom and dad
i remember how she would look when my dad would call while he was away on tour
sometimes he'd be gone for a month or two at a time
some people would say you can't keep up a relationship if you're apart that much
but it was never a problem for them
my dad loves my mom but he loves music too
and they figured out how to make it work so he doesn't have to choose
i don't think he could be happy without both
i wish i knew what it was like to feel like that
i wish there were some way to know if my feelings are like my dad's feelings
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everyone handles it differently
so i think your parents might not be a bad ideal but you can't know if your feelings are like your dad's
so i assume there's someone here you kinda like
guy or girl (or whatever)
ask them out
see how it feels for both of you
you'll probably know if you're ready or not when you do
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i need to know if i was in love with kakyoin
i have to know
i keep thinking about it
do you know what i mean?
when it's something you have to know
or you'll go crazy
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because i don't know if i'd still feel like this if he hadn't died
it would be fucked up to love someone just because they died for you
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after someone dies, it's easy to just think of their highlights and not the faults
talk to me about him.
the things about him that made you think that you wanted to be around him
the parts that caused your heart to skip a beat, or you just couldn't help but smile. even if all you did was smile in your heart and not where anyone could see.
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i guess i always think of how proud he was
and how smart
and what an asshole he was
i felt at ease when i was around him
and i always felt like he had my back
even when jiji was being stupid or something, i knew kakyoin would be on my side
sometimes we'd all pick on polnareff
i remember he was fussy when we went through the desert because he didn't want to get sunburned
he didn't like it when i smoked, he said the smell bothered him
i don't think i ever stopped to think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with him
i never really thought past the end of the trip
but he's usually the person i think of when i see something...
i guess something beautiful
cherry blossoms, or fireworks
things that are beautiful
i look at them alone and i can imagine it so clearly
him standing next to me
us doing things together
no subject
romantic or otherwise or whatever
doesn't matter
because the way i look at it with mohammed and anyone else i've ever loved, the best way to describe them is that things make sense around them
the world stops being chaotic or shitty, just for a little while
and i feel safe. like i got a place i finally belong.
maybe yours is a bit different
but it's also similar
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is that
oh
that feeling
that's it?
i know that feeling
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and i think you probably know how you feel
you knew his faults
but the parts that made you at peace too
and that's the important distinction i think than just worshiping a memory you perceive as flawless
but yeah
you know.
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i probably would have been a pretty shit boyfriend
it doesn't feel like we only knew each other for fifty days
there's probably a lot i didn't know about him
i probably would have done a lot of things wrong
he probably would have pissed me off
also i would've had to cheat on him someday to make sure my daughter exists
or at least be with someone else to make that happen
that's not a very good boyfriend thing to do i guess
there's someone who i want to be that calm place for
i feel good doing it
and sometimes that person makes me feel like i'm still on the way to egypt
back before everything went to shit
i think about that person all the time
but i don't talk about that person out loud that often
or really ever
so i don't know if my face does the thing yours does
when you talk about avdol
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you don't know what you would've done
but also you know what you're gonna make mistakes
and it'll be shitty
but the important thing is recognizing when you do and try to change it
i promise i've made mistakes
and i probably will with mohammed
i mean im not gonna cheat on him or some shit
but im so far from perfect
anyway.
you can't possibly fuck up as hard as me
take sometime to digest all of this for yourself
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if you fuck it up with him
not that i think you forgot or anything but you know
i'm still watching you
...
hey
does he ever do something around you that's like
it's so cute it just wrecks you in an instant
is that a moonblessing thing or a feelings thing
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oh fuck all the time
that's a feelings thing
not to get too gross on you but almost every time i'm with him he finds a new way to make me feel that way
it's the best
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and you don't even have to think about doing it
you're just already doing it because it's for him
doesn't matter what it is
for him you'd do it
moonblessing thing or feelings thing
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it's all feeling for me
sure there are some instincts but most of it is just like
encouraged by the moon or something
are you worried that the moonblessings are getting mucked up in there or something
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but i think i've got it now
you're a good case study because you're a sanguis
and he's an iris
cordis seems like it's kind of its own thing
but sanguis and iris seem like they're made to get fucked up on each other
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yeah
i was a cordis for a couple of months
then i guess the moons decided it was funny if i was something else
but i liked mohammed before the switch
so i guess that helps
anyway
hope it helps you out
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you helped...a lot, actually
maybe more than you realize
guess everybody was right
you are good at this
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that's how i look at it
hey.
you got this jotaro
all right?
if you can handle that shit that happened in egypt you can handle this.
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by the way
because you helped and everything
january sixteenth
i don't know if avdol told you the date
that's the day we all went after dio
he was first so he doesn't remember the worst of it
but he still might have a bad time that day
just so you know
just in case
especially since the sixteenth is usually the start of iris, right
it might get bad for him
i don't know
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good to know
i usually stick by him during iris, but it might be good to stock up on extra stuff to spoil him huh
what about you
you gonna be ok?
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