No, it doesn't. But it's such an overwhelming feeling lately.
[ That she isn't doing enough. That she's not fighting for what she wants. But where can she direct her skills, her anger? Beating up a government official won't send her home. ]
I'm sorry. I wish you could've at least gotten an answer. [ She's not sure an answer is what she needs so much anymore. Reciprocation feels like the end game now for her. That nothing else could ever possibly do. ] Just... something that happened, huh? I'm glad you let things happen.
[ The rest makes her smile, though. That Leone charm of just saying it like it is in a way that really strikes a chord for her. ]
You're not wrong, but I... died for him. I'd do it again. I'd give everything without question. And he never stopped searching for me. More than anything, I think I owe myself an answer even if I have to wait alone in the mean time. We've wasted so much time where we could have been... something. Something more than just... you know, partners. So.
[ But if she really felt this direct and strong about it, she wouldn't be here talking about her feelings. Wavering. ]
The last thing I told him was I was going to be fine even though I knew I'd likely die. I sent him off to protect our world and end things, but I could tell he knew I was lying. I might not make it back to him back home.
It's all right. Mostly, I'm just sorry I never did enough for him. Bruno Bucciarati was an incredible man even when the world decided to shit all over him.
[But he definitely knows the feeling. He died for a cause, but more importantly he died for Bruno. Even if he wasn't planning on it, he knew it was a very high probability.
Abbacchio pauses, then reaches out for Jill's hand, feeling abruptly and very intensely protective of her. Which is ridiculous; she can take care of herself, but it's that part of him that's loyal when it is earned.]
Then worry about what's right in front of you right now. ...That's my vote, anyway. You don't even have to follow my advice, but it's better that you make a choice either way.
And if you don't mind my asking, who's got your attention in Lunatia anyway?
He was the one I saw, right? You can only know this sort of thing in hindsight, though.
[ But Jill knows there's even more to it. The things she's unaware of, it's too obvious that they might've just done the very same things for the people they loved. But Jill hasn't fully been honest until now.
Her fingers twitch beneath his like the gesture means more than the usual touch, like she's not used to it. But it feels good and warm, so she just shoots him a faint smile. The kind that's barely there, but means more than anything bigger or brighter. ]
Beats remaining still, right? [ Caught off-guard by the question that she dragged up, she awkwardly chuckles and sighs, seeing no way around it. It's not like he'd do anything inconsiderate with the information. Might as well let it out. ] Friend of mine, probably the person I'm second-closest to here. Gabriel Reyes, if you know him?
No, you... uh. You saw my partner, when I was still a cop. That was Florentino. Bruno... he found me after I thrown out for what I did. I don't know what he saw in me at that time, but he saw something worth saving. My partner and I were actually seeing each other until I fucked up.
[Abbacchio is self-aware enough to know his love life is utterly disastrous. It's amazing he has it as good as he does with Avdol.]
Huh. No, don't think we've ever talked, but I trust your taste. Tell me about him?
I see. [ She didn't bring it up mostly because it was sensitive. Even now she hesitates, but she'll talk about it if he wants to. However little or much. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to rely on. ] Can only imagine how rough that had to have been. I once had a scare that I lost my other partner -- didn't find him for months, thought he was dead -- but if it was Chris...
[ She wouldn't know what to do. It would have been the one thing that would break her. ]
Don't think it's that hard to see something in you, you know. [ She doesn't add "even at the time," so it's not entirely open for discussion, but she gets the feeling he might argue it regardless. ] Tall, big guy. In a sort of future military outfit. He and I have a lot in common in that regard, but we usually just meet up and drink and I indulge my cheat days. Thank god you haven't seen me eat a big pub burger, you might stop talkin' to me if you did.
It almost killed me, what happened. I probably would've been dead in some back alley if Bucciarati didn't find me when he did. Hell knows I tried.
[It's wild to think about the strides he's made, trying to be better.]
Hell, when I look in the mirror, I still don't know what anyone sees in me, but I've just kinda accepted that's how it is. You see the worst in yourself while others find something worthwhile somehow.
[Abbacchio scoffs.] You can't be worse than the teenagers I used to have to work with. Anyway, I'm glad you have someone to connect to. He express interest in you too?
[ Nothing tired or annoyed with information she'd been previously given. No, it was just plain old acknowledgement. Letting him know that she took what he said to heart and held it close, tried to learn from it and understand him as well as she could.
That regardless of it, she was on his side. ]
That might be the most accurate thing I've ever heard anyone say. It's hard... for me, for example. To see what someone like Chris could see in me. There are younger and prettier women -- I'm not unattractive but I'm not everyone's taste. My nose and... body, you know? It isn't what's considered... "popular" in terms of attractive women, is all.
[ She's telling him mostly because there's no fear with him. He has a partner and she doesn't expect him to try to hit on her or reassure her in any way but what he feels is right. It's embarrassing to Jill to care at all, though. Face red, eyes downcast. ]
I don't think Gabriel would potentially be interested in me in that sense. It's a little blow to my ego, but it's alright.
[How much he'd almost just let himself die then, and die later on. Too cowardly to just do the deed himself and would rather draw it out, be circumstantial. Something. And yet, he found value in living way too fucking late. Isn't that just the way?
He laughs wryly.] I think you're too worried about those aspects. Not everyone is for everyone, and clearly he likes your company. No reason it can't be a combination of liking you for you and thinking you're beautiful.
But I guess you won't know til you ask. And sometimes we don't worry about that shit until suddenly it's important, for occasions like this.
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no subject
[ That she isn't doing enough. That she's not fighting for what she wants. But where can she direct her skills, her anger? Beating up a government official won't send her home. ]
I'm sorry. I wish you could've at least gotten an answer. [ She's not sure an answer is what she needs so much anymore. Reciprocation feels like the end game now for her. That nothing else could ever possibly do. ] Just... something that happened, huh? I'm glad you let things happen.
[ The rest makes her smile, though. That Leone charm of just saying it like it is in a way that really strikes a chord for her. ]
You're not wrong, but I... died for him. I'd do it again. I'd give everything without question. And he never stopped searching for me. More than anything, I think I owe myself an answer even if I have to wait alone in the mean time. We've wasted so much time where we could have been... something. Something more than just... you know, partners. So.
[ But if she really felt this direct and strong about it, she wouldn't be here talking about her feelings. Wavering. ]
The last thing I told him was I was going to be fine even though I knew I'd likely die. I sent him off to protect our world and end things, but I could tell he knew I was lying. I might not make it back to him back home.
no subject
[But he definitely knows the feeling. He died for a cause, but more importantly he died for Bruno. Even if he wasn't planning on it, he knew it was a very high probability.
Abbacchio pauses, then reaches out for Jill's hand, feeling abruptly and very intensely protective of her. Which is ridiculous; she can take care of herself, but it's that part of him that's loyal when it is earned.]
Then worry about what's right in front of you right now. ...That's my vote, anyway. You don't even have to follow my advice, but it's better that you make a choice either way.
And if you don't mind my asking, who's got your attention in Lunatia anyway?
no subject
[ But Jill knows there's even more to it. The things she's unaware of, it's too obvious that they might've just done the very same things for the people they loved. But Jill hasn't fully been honest until now.
Her fingers twitch beneath his like the gesture means more than the usual touch, like she's not used to it. But it feels good and warm, so she just shoots him a faint smile. The kind that's barely there, but means more than anything bigger or brighter. ]
Beats remaining still, right? [ Caught off-guard by the question that she dragged up, she awkwardly chuckles and sighs, seeing no way around it. It's not like he'd do anything inconsiderate with the information. Might as well let it out. ] Friend of mine, probably the person I'm second-closest to here. Gabriel Reyes, if you know him?
no subject
[Abbacchio is self-aware enough to know his love life is utterly disastrous. It's amazing he has it as good as he does with Avdol.]
Huh. No, don't think we've ever talked, but I trust your taste. Tell me about him?
no subject
[ She wouldn't know what to do. It would have been the one thing that would break her. ]
Don't think it's that hard to see something in you, you know. [ She doesn't add "even at the time," so it's not entirely open for discussion, but she gets the feeling he might argue it regardless. ] Tall, big guy. In a sort of future military outfit. He and I have a lot in common in that regard, but we usually just meet up and drink and I indulge my cheat days. Thank god you haven't seen me eat a big pub burger, you might stop talkin' to me if you did.
no subject
[It's wild to think about the strides he's made, trying to be better.]
Hell, when I look in the mirror, I still don't know what anyone sees in me, but I've just kinda accepted that's how it is. You see the worst in yourself while others find something worthwhile somehow.
[Abbacchio scoffs.] You can't be worse than the teenagers I used to have to work with. Anyway, I'm glad you have someone to connect to. He express interest in you too?
no subject
[ Nothing tired or annoyed with information she'd been previously given. No, it was just plain old acknowledgement. Letting him know that she took what he said to heart and held it close, tried to learn from it and understand him as well as she could.
That regardless of it, she was on his side. ]
That might be the most accurate thing I've ever heard anyone say. It's hard... for me, for example. To see what someone like Chris could see in me. There are younger and prettier women -- I'm not unattractive but I'm not everyone's taste. My nose and... body, you know? It isn't what's considered... "popular" in terms of attractive women, is all.
[ She's telling him mostly because there's no fear with him. He has a partner and she doesn't expect him to try to hit on her or reassure her in any way but what he feels is right. It's embarrassing to Jill to care at all, though. Face red, eyes downcast. ]
I don't think Gabriel would potentially be interested in me in that sense. It's a little blow to my ego, but it's alright.
no subject
[How much he'd almost just let himself die then, and die later on. Too cowardly to just do the deed himself and would rather draw it out, be circumstantial. Something. And yet, he found value in living way too fucking late. Isn't that just the way?
He laughs wryly.] I think you're too worried about those aspects. Not everyone is for everyone, and clearly he likes your company. No reason it can't be a combination of liking you for you and thinking you're beautiful.
But I guess you won't know til you ask. And sometimes we don't worry about that shit until suddenly it's important, for occasions like this.