look sorry i really didn't mean to make it about me but then it was about me and i just really sucks, you know? i'm still just trying to get through basic shit and everyone else has it all figured out i guess i'm just trying to put it together see what i'm doing wrong i dunno it's stupid
look everyone's got their own way of doing shit for better or for worse, i've been in love like three times in my life so yeah i'm experienced but it also kind of sucks in his own way
but you have to also consider the other things you can do that other people usually cant and i mean that there are things about you that people would find envious even if it's growth you wouldn't think to notice
anyway you should be used to me being right by now i cant change that
yeah i know i know it's not normal here so i dunno why i thought i could get my shit together any better here than back home
it's probably shitty to complain about it right? but it kind of feels like i'm being left behind i mean i thought maybe i did find something and then just gone so it's just kind of like now what what the fuck am i supposed to do so i just don't do anything
[ hello word salad, somewhere in his mind it makes sense ]
you get your shit together and move on easy to say harder to do trust me im the fucking king at not having my shit together and i never knew if i could let myself move onto anything else
but you feel left behind because people leave or settle or something i get that feeling way too well
so what i'm hearing is that you kind of hate that you're single
not really that i hate being single just... i want experience but i don't feel like i can because now i'm not even sure i wanna bother getting close to anyone again kind of seems easier just to push everything away and say fuck it because who the hell knows when someone's just gonna fucking up and disappear
i know it's not a choice we're all in the same boat stuck here and trying to make the best of it just some people are better at it
mista im scared every single fucking day that im gonna wake up the next morning and mohammed won't be there because i know i'll lose my shit because i know it just means he's going to die i'm dead i've got nothing to go back to except the afterlife and i'm not thrilled about that
so yeah you DO have to make the best of it it's easy to just give up and think little else of it i've done that more than once but i think it's worth trying than just giving up i'd rather have these memories than just surviving. and i want that for you too, but i'm also not gonna make you.
i know why do you think i didn't want to talk about it? you don't need this kind of shit piled on top of everything so i just kind of shut down for a little bit and keep trying to hold it all in because i know i'm just being a fucking baby about it
i get chances and then i talk myself out of it because it doesn't feel right or the moons are out or whatever else i can come up with because i just don't want to admit that i'm too fucking scared or stupid or whatever you wanna call it
it's not an accusation im just saying i get you but you can't let the fear conquer you either im always gonna have problems and that doesn't mean you stop talking to me about yours
you're my fucking family you dolt i want you to be okay and happy all right? so i relate to you about this kind of shit
it isn't stupid it's just fear i've talked myself out of so many things that i still regret but we need to find a way to keep excuses from preventing you from doing shit and if it means i gotta do something about it i will
yeah i'd call it self-sabotage i used to be pretty good at that
i started doing that less because well i was thinking hard about the people i knew cared about me it helped i had some guidance too people i could rely on i dont know if that's what would work for you
mista i will fucking make sure you have a good time or so help me im sure the pistols feel the same way i do
it helps to have someone to rely on even just getting some of this bullshit out now kinda feels better? not like good but better
but don't make it sound like you're gonna hire someone because that's kind of what it sounds like from over here and i'm not sure i want to think about what the pistols have to say about it that's just... i mean they already tried to put me on the net themselves little shits
i'm not really sure how to say it either i know i'm not really a leader or anything so i guess we're kind of the same in that way needing guidance from someone stronger
i already know you're stronger than me just in different ways
but thank god i was scared for a second i get out though! i have friends it's just something shitty happens every time i go out there's this girl that tries to get me to go shopping with her and she sweet but she's so fucking small i just want to protect her or something you know like she's a sister but she talked me into buying these pants?? and i don't know what i was thinking because yeah they were still brand name but they're fucking vinyl? i don't remember seeing you at the charity thing but yeah i got stuck wearing those things and then someone bid on me and i don't even know how the fuck i got signed up in the first place? and i hated the winner so you see what i mean right? something fucked up happens every time i leave
im a shit leader and im only stronger literally not mentally
i was busy during the charity im working on my business license and i have shit going on with mohammed and we're trying to get a house and who the FUCK bid on you who is this girl
no it's not a curse dont be ridiculous i mean i know that's not impossible but it's INCREDIBLY unlikely here
nah i'm pretty sure you're stronger than you think you are
but yeah i mean people bid on me i guess i think most of it was out of pity... two of them i was pretty sure were just fucking with me and then there's the gem lady and miwako they didn't win though can you fuckin believe that it was that asshole? rohan? of all the goddamn people i hate that guy and i swear to god if reimi didn't care about him i would kick his ass
but i mean it was only that many people that bid on me so i guess it makes sense that the winner was someone i hate you know because of the number
but this girl are you talking about the fashion girl? she tried to give me scarf once during sanguis i thought she was making fun of me because it was a couple scarf i made her cry on accident but i also thought she was like 15 or something that's how small she is
well it’s just weird because it’s like we all know each other? jolyne likes to come over and hang out and cuddle or something but she was really aggressive last time and it kind of freaked me out
[ he thinks very briefly on not addressing the reimi issue, but what was the point ]
i still really like reimi i mean a lot but i kind of get the feeling that maybe she’s taken? or someone thinks she’s taken we did kiss a couple times at the auction thing but she kissed that dick rohan too so i dunno
god it's like family drama kind of you're my family and i'm married to one of jotaro's best friends and jolyne is his kid from the future this is so weird
maybe you should do the crazy thing and talk to her
the weirdest family drama she kind of wants to... well you know but it’s always during the moons and i want to know it’s me?? and i don’t want her to think i’m using her as a replacement or something so i keep telling her no
and talking to reimi... it’s a little more complicated than that i think we only kissed because rohan and i were fighting and then she made us say nice things to each other i mean i got another kiss out of it but so did he
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text;
but then it was about me and i just really sucks, you know?
i'm still just trying to get through basic shit
and everyone else has it all figured out
i guess i'm just trying to put it together
see what i'm doing wrong
i dunno
it's stupid
and just so you know
i hate that you were right
text;
for better or for worse, i've been in love like three times in my life
so yeah i'm experienced but it also kind of sucks in his own way
but you have to also consider the other things you can do that other people usually cant
and i mean that
there are things about you that people would find envious even if it's growth you wouldn't think to notice
anyway you should be used to me being right by now i cant change that
no subject
i know it's not normal here
so i dunno why i thought i could get my shit together any better here than back home
it's probably shitty to complain about it right?
but it kind of feels like i'm being left behind
i mean i thought maybe i did find something and then
just gone so it's just kind of like
now what
what the fuck am i supposed to do
so i just don't do anything
[ hello word salad, somewhere in his mind it makes sense ]
no subject
easy to say harder to do
trust me
im the fucking king at not having my shit together
and i never knew if i could let myself move onto anything else
but you feel left behind because people leave
or settle
or something
i get that feeling way too well
so what i'm hearing is that you kind of hate that you're single
no subject
just...
i want experience but i don't feel like i can
because now i'm not even sure i wanna bother
getting close to anyone again
kind of seems easier just to push everything away
and say fuck it
because who the hell knows when someone's just gonna
fucking up and disappear
i know it's not a choice
we're all in the same boat
stuck here and trying to make the best of it
just some people are better at it
no subject
im scared every single fucking day that im gonna wake up the next morning and mohammed won't be there
because i know i'll lose my shit
because i know it just means he's going to die
i'm dead
i've got nothing to go back to except the afterlife and i'm not thrilled about that
so yeah
you DO have to make the best of it
it's easy to just give up and think little else of it
i've done that more than once
but i think it's worth trying than just giving up
i'd rather have these memories than just surviving.
and i want that for you too, but i'm also not gonna make you.
no subject
why do you think i didn't want to talk about it?
you don't need this kind of shit piled on top of everything
so i just kind of shut down for a little bit
and keep trying to hold it all in
because i know i'm just being a fucking baby about it
i get chances and then i talk myself out of it
because it doesn't feel right or the moons are out or
whatever else i can come up with because i just don't want to admit that i'm too fucking scared
or stupid or whatever you wanna call it
no subject
im just saying i get you but you can't let the fear conquer you either
im always gonna have problems and that doesn't mean you stop talking to me about yours
you're my fucking family you dolt
i want you to be okay and happy all right?
so
i relate to you about this kind of shit
it isn't stupid
it's just
fear
i've talked myself out of so many things that i still regret
but we need to find a way to keep excuses from preventing you from doing shit
and if it means i gotta do something about it i will
no subject
i think that's what to call it
but if it were you
how would you stop them
the excuses i mean
[ hold on give him a second ]
wait what do you mean
if you gotta do something about it
what could you do about it??
no subject
i used to be pretty good at that
i started doing that less because
well
i was thinking hard about the people i knew cared about me
it helped i had some guidance too
people i could rely on
i dont know if that's what would work for you
mista i will fucking make sure you have a good time or so help me
im sure the pistols feel the same way i do
no subject
even just getting some of this bullshit out now kinda feels
better?
not like good but better
but don't make it sound like you're gonna hire someone
because that's kind of what it sounds like from over here
and i'm not sure i want to think about what the pistols have to say about it
that's just...
i mean they already tried to put me on the net themselves
little shits
no subject
stronger in some way
i dont know how it is for you
oh my god it's not like im gonna hire a hooker for you or something
we just need to get your ass out of your apartment
christ i am sorry
i know i'm not really a leader or anything
so i guess we're kind of the same in that way
needing guidance from someone stronger
i already know you're stronger than me
just in different ways
but thank god
i was scared for a second
i get out though! i have friends it's just
something shitty happens every time i go out
there's this girl that tries to get me to go shopping with her
and she sweet but she's so fucking small
i just want to protect her or something
you know like she's a sister
but she talked me into buying these pants??
and i don't know what i was thinking because yeah they were still brand name
but they're fucking vinyl?
i don't remember seeing you at the charity thing but yeah
i got stuck wearing those things and then someone bid on me and i don't even know how the fuck i got signed up in the first place?
and i hated the winner so
you see what i mean right?
something fucked up happens every time i leave
do you think it's a curse
sdkjhfd mista
i was busy during the charity im working on my business license and i have shit going on with mohammed and we're trying to get a house and who the FUCK bid on you who is this girl
no it's not a curse dont be ridiculous
i mean i know that's not impossible but it's INCREDIBLY unlikely here
no subject
but yeah i mean
people bid on me i guess i think most of it was out of pity...
two of them i was pretty sure were just fucking with me
and then there's the gem lady and miwako
they didn't win though
can you fuckin believe that it was that asshole?
rohan? of all the goddamn people
i hate that guy and i swear to god if reimi didn't care about him
i would kick his ass
but i mean it was only that many people that bid on me
so i guess it makes sense that the winner was someone i hate
you know because of the number
but this girl are you talking about the fashion girl?
she tried to give me scarf once during sanguis
i thought she was making fun of me because it was a couple scarf
i made her cry on accident
but i also thought she was like
15 or something
that's how small she is
no subject
he's lucky that i adore reimi so much or he'd be missing teeth
it's not a fucking curse mista
does this girl have a NAME
no subject
i mean yeah she's got a name it's miwako
but she's got a boyfriend
and she hangs out with a weird deer that has fingers
i mean there's someone else too but it kind of
feels weird to talk about that one
because of other stuff and what was going on before
no subject
i don't know who the hell that is but fine
well tell me anyway
but also
whatever happened with you and reimi
like i know you weren't thing but you two kissed and it seemed like you two didn't mind it
no subject
jolyne likes to come over and hang out and cuddle or something
but she was really aggressive last time and it kind of freaked me out
[ he thinks very briefly on not addressing the reimi issue, but what was the point ]
i still really like reimi
i mean a lot but
i kind of get the feeling that maybe she’s taken?
or someone thinks she’s taken
we did kiss a couple times at the auction thing
but she kissed that dick rohan too so i dunno
no subject
you're my family and i'm married to one of jotaro's best friends and jolyne is his kid from the future
this is so weird
maybe you should do the crazy thing and talk to her
no subject
she kind of wants to...
well you know
but it’s always during the moons
and i want to know it’s me??
and i don’t want her to think i’m using her as
a replacement or something so i keep telling her no
and talking to reimi...
it’s a little more complicated than that i think
we only kissed because rohan and i were fighting
and then she made us say nice things to each other
i mean i got another kiss out of it but so did he
i guess i’m just screwing up all over the place