[ Alcohol barely gives Jill a warm buzz these days; she's not sure if she's capable of getting drunk, but the idea holds true. Maybe it would be easier to drink so much that she forgets. Forgetting would be so much easier.
Unfortunately, she's never quite so lucky so it isn't going to bother her. It's comfortable for her to ease into the place and she's happy to offer business for Reimi. Jill is dressed in a surprisingly stylish simple sweater (for her, anyway) and rather than the usually compression leggings, has opted for skinny jeans. It still shows every curve and pop of muscle, but she's not thought much on it.
Jill considers meeting him with some sort of physical affection as greeting but instead just smiles wider. She ducks her head instead, dipping into the seat across from him with no cat in-tow -- currently, at least. ]
Fancy seeing you here.
[ A bad joke, despite her situation and briefly spoken need for someone to lean on. It's definitely not like her and the uncertain, twisted awkwardness in her grin showcases that. ]
[ Jill is equally too subtle and too obvious, with nothing in between.
She goes for the drink waiting for her, but doesn't sip from it, only lets it warm her hands. ]
...I figure that anyone can see how I feel about my partner back home from outerspace -- except for maybe the two of us. [ It still isn't a direct confirmation; too worrisome, too many variables. A dull knife trying to cut through, but it's hardly enough to puncture. She almost sounds meek, the upset and uncertainty having taken hold of her. ] It's like I'm trapped again. Nothing can move forward, but I have to. I don't know how to progress.
[It's a feeling that he understands deeply, honestly. How long did he hold a torch for Bruno? Probably from the day they met, and even then he didn't do anything about it. So how does one progress?
A man who's notoriously awful at moving forward somehow managed.]
I guess that depends on how you want to progress. Does that mean progressing into acknowledging how you feel about him, or try to move forward from those feelings?
[ It's something she's sure they can relate to, that he's experienced and moved on from, so it makes sense to her to ask him for advice even if it won't pan out easily. A lot of things are easier said than done, but even just getting it out there is more than she's done in the past. It's a relief to let it escape, be out there, and exist. ]
...I'm happy feeling them and keeping them close. I don't mind waiting for him. [ This is clearly utter truth. No discomfort, no impatience. But there's always a caveat. ] But for the first time, I'm feeling something for someone else. I want to say if he was in this predicament I'd forgive him, but it would tear me apart. I think he'd feel the same. He'd let it go, but I know it would hurt him. It's been... almost fifteen years, you know? We spent four of them day and night together, traveling the world. Just us. There's no one I know or trust better. I hate how weak this makes me feel.
[ Frustrated by it, she leans into the chair and tries not to look at Leone. Because she hates being weak. ]
First of all, it doesn't make you weak. But I get where you're coming from.
[Abbacchio leans forward onto the table between them. No wonder she needed to talk to someone. It isn't just about moving on, it's about someone new in her life.]
My circumstances... are a little different, but I can relate. But there was someone I loved, when I thought I couldn't let myself do that again. Turns out I did anyway. Someone who saved my life, when I thought it was never worth saving. He disappeared from Lunatia before I ever got to tell him how I felt. Maybe that's not the same, hell if I know if it was ever mutual between him and me.
[He takes a drink from his mug.]
I didn't really exactly choose to move on. When I realized I was falling hard for Mohammed, I actually kind of freaked out on poor Reimi about it. She told me that I was worth falling for in return. And I'm gonna tell you that not because it's pretty words for you, but because you are worth it, Jill. And I'd kick anyone's ass if they made you unhappy. You deserve to be happy, and that's something that was hard for me to believe in. I still don't, half the time.
Anyway. The best thing to tell yourself is that life is too fucking short. You don't know what tomorrow will bring. None of us do. And if there's something you're getting feelings for, you deserve to pursue them.
Your partner would understand. I don't doubt that.
No, it doesn't. But it's such an overwhelming feeling lately.
[ That she isn't doing enough. That she's not fighting for what she wants. But where can she direct her skills, her anger? Beating up a government official won't send her home. ]
I'm sorry. I wish you could've at least gotten an answer. [ She's not sure an answer is what she needs so much anymore. Reciprocation feels like the end game now for her. That nothing else could ever possibly do. ] Just... something that happened, huh? I'm glad you let things happen.
[ The rest makes her smile, though. That Leone charm of just saying it like it is in a way that really strikes a chord for her. ]
You're not wrong, but I... died for him. I'd do it again. I'd give everything without question. And he never stopped searching for me. More than anything, I think I owe myself an answer even if I have to wait alone in the mean time. We've wasted so much time where we could have been... something. Something more than just... you know, partners. So.
[ But if she really felt this direct and strong about it, she wouldn't be here talking about her feelings. Wavering. ]
The last thing I told him was I was going to be fine even though I knew I'd likely die. I sent him off to protect our world and end things, but I could tell he knew I was lying. I might not make it back to him back home.
It's all right. Mostly, I'm just sorry I never did enough for him. Bruno Bucciarati was an incredible man even when the world decided to shit all over him.
[But he definitely knows the feeling. He died for a cause, but more importantly he died for Bruno. Even if he wasn't planning on it, he knew it was a very high probability.
Abbacchio pauses, then reaches out for Jill's hand, feeling abruptly and very intensely protective of her. Which is ridiculous; she can take care of herself, but it's that part of him that's loyal when it is earned.]
Then worry about what's right in front of you right now. ...That's my vote, anyway. You don't even have to follow my advice, but it's better that you make a choice either way.
And if you don't mind my asking, who's got your attention in Lunatia anyway?
He was the one I saw, right? You can only know this sort of thing in hindsight, though.
[ But Jill knows there's even more to it. The things she's unaware of, it's too obvious that they might've just done the very same things for the people they loved. But Jill hasn't fully been honest until now.
Her fingers twitch beneath his like the gesture means more than the usual touch, like she's not used to it. But it feels good and warm, so she just shoots him a faint smile. The kind that's barely there, but means more than anything bigger or brighter. ]
Beats remaining still, right? [ Caught off-guard by the question that she dragged up, she awkwardly chuckles and sighs, seeing no way around it. It's not like he'd do anything inconsiderate with the information. Might as well let it out. ] Friend of mine, probably the person I'm second-closest to here. Gabriel Reyes, if you know him?
No, you... uh. You saw my partner, when I was still a cop. That was Florentino. Bruno... he found me after I thrown out for what I did. I don't know what he saw in me at that time, but he saw something worth saving. My partner and I were actually seeing each other until I fucked up.
[Abbacchio is self-aware enough to know his love life is utterly disastrous. It's amazing he has it as good as he does with Avdol.]
Huh. No, don't think we've ever talked, but I trust your taste. Tell me about him?
I see. [ She didn't bring it up mostly because it was sensitive. Even now she hesitates, but she'll talk about it if he wants to. However little or much. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to rely on. ] Can only imagine how rough that had to have been. I once had a scare that I lost my other partner -- didn't find him for months, thought he was dead -- but if it was Chris...
[ She wouldn't know what to do. It would have been the one thing that would break her. ]
Don't think it's that hard to see something in you, you know. [ She doesn't add "even at the time," so it's not entirely open for discussion, but she gets the feeling he might argue it regardless. ] Tall, big guy. In a sort of future military outfit. He and I have a lot in common in that regard, but we usually just meet up and drink and I indulge my cheat days. Thank god you haven't seen me eat a big pub burger, you might stop talkin' to me if you did.
It almost killed me, what happened. I probably would've been dead in some back alley if Bucciarati didn't find me when he did. Hell knows I tried.
[It's wild to think about the strides he's made, trying to be better.]
Hell, when I look in the mirror, I still don't know what anyone sees in me, but I've just kinda accepted that's how it is. You see the worst in yourself while others find something worthwhile somehow.
[Abbacchio scoffs.] You can't be worse than the teenagers I used to have to work with. Anyway, I'm glad you have someone to connect to. He express interest in you too?
[ Nothing tired or annoyed with information she'd been previously given. No, it was just plain old acknowledgement. Letting him know that she took what he said to heart and held it close, tried to learn from it and understand him as well as she could.
That regardless of it, she was on his side. ]
That might be the most accurate thing I've ever heard anyone say. It's hard... for me, for example. To see what someone like Chris could see in me. There are younger and prettier women -- I'm not unattractive but I'm not everyone's taste. My nose and... body, you know? It isn't what's considered... "popular" in terms of attractive women, is all.
[ She's telling him mostly because there's no fear with him. He has a partner and she doesn't expect him to try to hit on her or reassure her in any way but what he feels is right. It's embarrassing to Jill to care at all, though. Face red, eyes downcast. ]
I don't think Gabriel would potentially be interested in me in that sense. It's a little blow to my ego, but it's alright.
[How much he'd almost just let himself die then, and die later on. Too cowardly to just do the deed himself and would rather draw it out, be circumstantial. Something. And yet, he found value in living way too fucking late. Isn't that just the way?
He laughs wryly.] I think you're too worried about those aspects. Not everyone is for everyone, and clearly he likes your company. No reason it can't be a combination of liking you for you and thinking you're beautiful.
But I guess you won't know til you ask. And sometimes we don't worry about that shit until suddenly it's important, for occasions like this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
WHAT A NIGHT IT WAS
Is I guess the sum of it.
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you wanna hang out and talk to me? i got time for you
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But I'm still a dog person at heart. ;)
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so beans! is gonna have to do
i'll get us a private room ok?
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Thank you. I can be there in say... 15?
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see you soon
[And true to his word, he has a room picked out for them. Just one cat, and it's Mewdy Blues, draped over his lap as he's drinking a green tea latte.
He has an Italian soda set aside for Jill. Sorry, no beer at this cafe.]
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Unfortunately, she's never quite so lucky so it isn't going to bother her. It's comfortable for her to ease into the place and she's happy to offer business for Reimi. Jill is dressed in a surprisingly stylish simple sweater (for her, anyway) and rather than the usually compression leggings, has opted for skinny jeans. It still shows every curve and pop of muscle, but she's not thought much on it.
Jill considers meeting him with some sort of physical affection as greeting but instead just smiles wider. She ducks her head instead, dipping into the seat across from him with no cat in-tow -- currently, at least. ]
Fancy seeing you here.
[ A bad joke, despite her situation and briefly spoken need for someone to lean on. It's definitely not like her and the uncertain, twisted awkwardness in her grin showcases that. ]
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Right, total coincidence.
[Abbacchio sits back and has a drink from his mug.]
Hey. So, what's eating you? You got my attention.
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She goes for the drink waiting for her, but doesn't sip from it, only lets it warm her hands. ]
...I figure that anyone can see how I feel about my partner back home from outerspace -- except for maybe the two of us. [ It still isn't a direct confirmation; too worrisome, too many variables. A dull knife trying to cut through, but it's hardly enough to puncture. She almost sounds meek, the upset and uncertainty having taken hold of her. ] It's like I'm trapped again. Nothing can move forward, but I have to. I don't know how to progress.
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A man who's notoriously awful at moving forward somehow managed.]
I guess that depends on how you want to progress. Does that mean progressing into acknowledging how you feel about him, or try to move forward from those feelings?
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...I'm happy feeling them and keeping them close. I don't mind waiting for him. [ This is clearly utter truth. No discomfort, no impatience. But there's always a caveat. ] But for the first time, I'm feeling something for someone else. I want to say if he was in this predicament I'd forgive him, but it would tear me apart. I think he'd feel the same. He'd let it go, but I know it would hurt him. It's been... almost fifteen years, you know? We spent four of them day and night together, traveling the world. Just us. There's no one I know or trust better. I hate how weak this makes me feel.
[ Frustrated by it, she leans into the chair and tries not to look at Leone. Because she hates being weak. ]
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[Abbacchio leans forward onto the table between them. No wonder she needed to talk to someone. It isn't just about moving on, it's about someone new in her life.]
My circumstances... are a little different, but I can relate. But there was someone I loved, when I thought I couldn't let myself do that again. Turns out I did anyway. Someone who saved my life, when I thought it was never worth saving. He disappeared from Lunatia before I ever got to tell him how I felt. Maybe that's not the same, hell if I know if it was ever mutual between him and me.
[He takes a drink from his mug.]
I didn't really exactly choose to move on. When I realized I was falling hard for Mohammed, I actually kind of freaked out on poor Reimi about it. She told me that I was worth falling for in return. And I'm gonna tell you that not because it's pretty words for you, but because you are worth it, Jill. And I'd kick anyone's ass if they made you unhappy. You deserve to be happy, and that's something that was hard for me to believe in. I still don't, half the time.
Anyway. The best thing to tell yourself is that life is too fucking short. You don't know what tomorrow will bring. None of us do. And if there's something you're getting feelings for, you deserve to pursue them.
Your partner would understand. I don't doubt that.
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[ That she isn't doing enough. That she's not fighting for what she wants. But where can she direct her skills, her anger? Beating up a government official won't send her home. ]
I'm sorry. I wish you could've at least gotten an answer. [ She's not sure an answer is what she needs so much anymore. Reciprocation feels like the end game now for her. That nothing else could ever possibly do. ] Just... something that happened, huh? I'm glad you let things happen.
[ The rest makes her smile, though. That Leone charm of just saying it like it is in a way that really strikes a chord for her. ]
You're not wrong, but I... died for him. I'd do it again. I'd give everything without question. And he never stopped searching for me. More than anything, I think I owe myself an answer even if I have to wait alone in the mean time. We've wasted so much time where we could have been... something. Something more than just... you know, partners. So.
[ But if she really felt this direct and strong about it, she wouldn't be here talking about her feelings. Wavering. ]
The last thing I told him was I was going to be fine even though I knew I'd likely die. I sent him off to protect our world and end things, but I could tell he knew I was lying. I might not make it back to him back home.
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[But he definitely knows the feeling. He died for a cause, but more importantly he died for Bruno. Even if he wasn't planning on it, he knew it was a very high probability.
Abbacchio pauses, then reaches out for Jill's hand, feeling abruptly and very intensely protective of her. Which is ridiculous; she can take care of herself, but it's that part of him that's loyal when it is earned.]
Then worry about what's right in front of you right now. ...That's my vote, anyway. You don't even have to follow my advice, but it's better that you make a choice either way.
And if you don't mind my asking, who's got your attention in Lunatia anyway?
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[ But Jill knows there's even more to it. The things she's unaware of, it's too obvious that they might've just done the very same things for the people they loved. But Jill hasn't fully been honest until now.
Her fingers twitch beneath his like the gesture means more than the usual touch, like she's not used to it. But it feels good and warm, so she just shoots him a faint smile. The kind that's barely there, but means more than anything bigger or brighter. ]
Beats remaining still, right? [ Caught off-guard by the question that she dragged up, she awkwardly chuckles and sighs, seeing no way around it. It's not like he'd do anything inconsiderate with the information. Might as well let it out. ] Friend of mine, probably the person I'm second-closest to here. Gabriel Reyes, if you know him?
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[Abbacchio is self-aware enough to know his love life is utterly disastrous. It's amazing he has it as good as he does with Avdol.]
Huh. No, don't think we've ever talked, but I trust your taste. Tell me about him?
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[ She wouldn't know what to do. It would have been the one thing that would break her. ]
Don't think it's that hard to see something in you, you know. [ She doesn't add "even at the time," so it's not entirely open for discussion, but she gets the feeling he might argue it regardless. ] Tall, big guy. In a sort of future military outfit. He and I have a lot in common in that regard, but we usually just meet up and drink and I indulge my cheat days. Thank god you haven't seen me eat a big pub burger, you might stop talkin' to me if you did.
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[It's wild to think about the strides he's made, trying to be better.]
Hell, when I look in the mirror, I still don't know what anyone sees in me, but I've just kinda accepted that's how it is. You see the worst in yourself while others find something worthwhile somehow.
[Abbacchio scoffs.] You can't be worse than the teenagers I used to have to work with. Anyway, I'm glad you have someone to connect to. He express interest in you too?
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[ Nothing tired or annoyed with information she'd been previously given. No, it was just plain old acknowledgement. Letting him know that she took what he said to heart and held it close, tried to learn from it and understand him as well as she could.
That regardless of it, she was on his side. ]
That might be the most accurate thing I've ever heard anyone say. It's hard... for me, for example. To see what someone like Chris could see in me. There are younger and prettier women -- I'm not unattractive but I'm not everyone's taste. My nose and... body, you know? It isn't what's considered... "popular" in terms of attractive women, is all.
[ She's telling him mostly because there's no fear with him. He has a partner and she doesn't expect him to try to hit on her or reassure her in any way but what he feels is right. It's embarrassing to Jill to care at all, though. Face red, eyes downcast. ]
I don't think Gabriel would potentially be interested in me in that sense. It's a little blow to my ego, but it's alright.
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[How much he'd almost just let himself die then, and die later on. Too cowardly to just do the deed himself and would rather draw it out, be circumstantial. Something. And yet, he found value in living way too fucking late. Isn't that just the way?
He laughs wryly.] I think you're too worried about those aspects. Not everyone is for everyone, and clearly he likes your company. No reason it can't be a combination of liking you for you and thinking you're beautiful.
But I guess you won't know til you ask. And sometimes we don't worry about that shit until suddenly it's important, for occasions like this.