yeah i know he does he's really special i still dont feel like i deserve him most of the time but he seems to think the same thing about himself weirdly enough
I think that's sort of natural, though? When it's someone you like a lot, of course you're going to notice all the good things about them. And I think maybe you both have a tendency to mostly notice the less good things about yourselves. So you both wind up thinking the other person is way too good for you, just because of how you tend to see them.
This wasn't supposed to be a lecture though, sorry! I was mostly just thinking about how good you guys are for each other, as someone on the outside looking in.
Have you been building up your chroma again, after you lost it all? I don't want to have to worry about you!
Hey, Niichan. I know it's different hearing something from someone else than it is trying to tell it to yourself, so I'm going to tell it to you for you.
You're not going to screw it up. It's going to be okay. You're doing it right.
Yeah...I've been having trouble getting regulated ever since I fell in that spring last month. I'm better now than I was, but it's a lot more erratic than it used to be.
Does Mr. Avdol know about that part of it? I mean, does he know to help you if you start wanting to drink?
no. i shouldn't be such a fucking coward about it i've already told him the worst part about me i haven't gotten to everything else you know the drinking the mafia that kind of thing i know he should know
Mmhmm. I promise I'm not pushing it or anything. I think I just need to be a little bit better about moonlacing a little more often, to make sure I'm staying where I need to be. I think the cafe will probably help with that, though.
Hey, I know better than anyone how it feels to not want to tell someone you like...certain things about yourself, you know? Sometimes you just...don't want that to be a part of you that they know to look for. I get that.
But I know he would help you, if he knew. If you were having a bad time, he would take care of you.
Maybe a little. I'm not taking advantage of him, though! I think it's more just that he's just that kind of guy. Gallant, you know? He wouldn't say no to a girl who needed help. Especially not when the help is kissing.
Maybe you should. Think about it, I mean, from that perspective. If he already relies on you, then it just makes sense for it to go both ways.
im really not worried about you taking advantage of him but you're probably right where it counts he doesn't turn his back on someone in need
i know and i trust him when he says that kind of thing but there's that part of me that feels otherwise the same part that's fucking scared that i'm gonna fuck it up
I know. Because it's not really about logic or reason or anything like that. It's just that feeling, and you can't talk yourself out of a feeling no matter how hard you try.
You want to know something funny? Think about how we felt when we first met. It was just a few months ago, and neither of us knew what to do with ourselves.
Now you've got a boooooooooyfriend and I'm building something to last even after I'm gone. That's pretty incredible, isn't it?
I was an orphan when I got here, too, and now I'm not anymore. That's pretty great, too.
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he's amazing
what'd he do this time?
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I just think it's cute how much he cares about you. He really wants to treat you right, you know?
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yeah
i know he does
he's really special
i still dont feel like i deserve him most of the time
but he seems to think the same thing about himself weirdly enough
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I think that's sort of natural, though? When it's someone you like a lot, of course you're going to notice all the good things about them. And I think maybe you both have a tendency to mostly notice the less good things about yourselves. So you both wind up thinking the other person is way too good for you, just because of how you tend to see them.
This wasn't supposed to be a lecture though, sorry! I was mostly just thinking about how good you guys are for each other, as someone on the outside looking in.
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i cant remember the last time i've felt this happy, honestly
but you two definitely both make it easier
more than anything, i just want to make sure i treat him the way he deserves
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Hey, Niichan.
I know it's different hearing something from someone else than it is trying to tell it to yourself, so I'm going to tell it to you for you.
You're not going to screw it up. It's going to be okay. You're doing it right.
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but we're making it work
don't worry i'm taking care of it
i
actually appreciate that
i still feel like i might
i did fuck up a little after that ghost shit
but i've been dry ever since
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Does Mr. Avdol know about that part of it? I mean, does he know to help you if you start wanting to drink?
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i understand that
are you ok?
no.
i shouldn't be such a fucking coward about it
i've already told him the worst part about me
i haven't gotten to everything else
you know
the drinking the mafia that kind of thing
i know he should know
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Hey, I know better than anyone how it feels to not want to tell someone you like...certain things about yourself, you know? Sometimes you just...don't want that to be a part of you that they know to look for. I get that.
But I know he would help you, if he knew. If you were having a bad time, he would take care of you.
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that's good
i mean otherwise i'm sure mista would kiss you again right? [he knows!! there was another kiss!!]
i know he would is the thing
i just dont want him to feel like i'm gonna be dependent on him and he can't rely on me
but i should say something.
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...Well. He's dependent on you sometimes, right?
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i dont know
maybe
i never really thought about it
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Maybe you should. Think about it, I mean, from that perspective. If he already relies on you, then it just makes sense for it to go both ways.
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but you're probably right
where it counts he doesn't turn his back on someone in need
i know
and i trust him when he says that kind of thing
but there's that part of me that feels otherwise
the same part that's fucking scared that i'm gonna fuck it up
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i figured you'd get it
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of course i feel happy around him
i feel the most calm around you and him honestly
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What I mean is, I'm glad that he makes you happy. It makes me happy to think about it.
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i want to keep feeling like this
even if it's scary as hell
thanks sorellina
i want you be happy too
all right?
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Now you've got a boooooooooyfriend and I'm building something to last even after I'm gone. That's pretty incredible, isn't it?
I was an orphan when I got here, too, and now I'm not anymore. That's pretty great, too.
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and i was okay with that
but then he was gone so
anyway
yeah
this is definitely far from what i expected of myself
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